Wednesday, November 23, 2011

...far too many emotions that in my soul.

images from

I remember Letto's Ephemera when I'm starting to write this.

It feels like I'm in the middle of something undescribeable, created from my feelings and emotions. Isn't it funny how could we CAN'T understand our OWNs? I oftenly think about that, and can never be sure about that, of course.

These times are neraly silents me down, sometimes I feel that I'm controlled by the situation when I have things to get done, things to get responsibled (?), or things to be prepared.

But what that concerns me the most are the things that I must prepare.

It's kind of scary, how the time slowly drift near to the End of Semester Test, and I'm just worried about my 'condition' in having to face it soon. There are lost of to learn and I'm aware that I'm not really strong to come up the questions, I'm just scared, really.

Because, even the material which I think could count on, when it's being tested are come out with bad score, and it just turns me down so low that sometimes I thought, am I that stupid? Yeah maybe it's not that awful but it really disappointing,

even I'm get disappointed because of myself!

I think it's because I don't really study intensely, but it's really hard to try be intense in study. There are many distractions, and that also scares me. I don't know how much time I have now to fix those things. Because, after almost seven hours of school-studying-hour I need refreshner when I get home, I can't contain it to push myself in studying rapidly, or maybe it just my time management?

I know that it doesn't mean that I have to push it too much, but well it's just confusing, too scary.

Lord, I don't know which way I'm going, which way the river gonna flow
It just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still God, it's a long way to go.

The One Allah, help me to face this unesy stream, for I always believe in Your grace. Forgive me for being such a reckless.

...and that light, it's Your eyes.
I know, I swear, I'll find somewhere the streets are paved with gold.

Please give me strength to face what I have to do, please give me ease to learn from all this sadness which basically created from my own mistakes.

...bullets fly, split the sky
but that's allright, sometimes sunrays come streaming through the holes. (U.F.O. - Coldplay)

Rabbana aatina fiddunnya hasanah, wa fil akhirati hasanah, waqinaa azaa bannar... Amin.

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