Saturday, April 17, 2010

Do You Think It'll Be Easy?

I was in the past when I still looked at you
and I tried to decode your unsure words
I was in a shame
I don't know if it maybe because of you

I was in a silence in all those times
when I also trapped in your unsure silence
believe me I regret that
to become so arrogant to you in all those times
It was so difficult even to say hi

I always saw you in your youthful desire
as you exploring your own desires as you grow up
I know I'll always looked at you
like all those time
looking at you, with no sure purpose

Young Man, it's not easy being in such a position
as a sensitive person like me
who was easy to feel shame, feel sorry about anything
I was just thinking are you really think it'll be easy for you?
Do you?

So you just came to me and say you know me
to then act like nothing happen
like we never speak to each other before
do you think it'll be easy?

Avenged Sevenfold helmet, you know I'll not bother you anymore
now as I separate myself from all the connections
I'm quite sure I'll never looked at you
or feel sorry about all this ignorance that blows around us
in all those times

I'll say this like what Plain White T's sings in Hey There Delilah
although that song has no correlations between us
but I found some good words to say to you
virtually
with a little lyric-alteration

"One more years and you'll be done with school,
and I'll be making history like I do
You can do whatever you want to..
Hey there Young Man here's to you,
this one's for you.."

(here's the original lyrics, I type this to prevent any misunderstanding, besides, it's a great song too! :
two more years and you'll be done with school
and I'll be making history like I do
you know it's all because of you
we can do whatever we want to, hey there Delilah here's to you
this one's for you..")

what is it that's for you? I don't know, maybe my apologize,
and my hope to a better story between us.
even I never know what are you think about our 'relationship' in all those times
but it's going to and end..

*******

and just for some live-updates in my life, Alhamdulillah my sister are accepted in Gadjah Mada University too! but she already take a decision to continuing her building of dreams in Diponegoro University. I just hoping the best for her. And I hope me and my brother can also get the same ease as her in continuing study, and then we're all can together spread our knowledge for a credit to our parents, family, nations, and religion.
yeah it'll not be so that easy.. but we must try! Non mollare mai!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bad Dreams of Today That Wakes Me

pagi ini aslinya aku udah bangun sih pas kakak udah mau berangkat sekolah. tapi dasar kalong kelas kakap aku tidur lagi. dan mimpi buruk.

PERHATIAN : Tulisan selanjutnya selama beberapa paragraf adalah hanya mimpi saya tadi.
aku merasa saat itu aku sedang ada di smaga. pertamanya entah gimana aku ketemu temen SMP dulu yang namanya Marsa, padahal dia nggak sekolah di smaga. aneh sih tapi aku ngobrol bentar sama dia terus aku berpisah sama dia di satu tempat yang mirip kantin gitu. tiba-tiba entah gimana ada kerumunan orang, rame gitu. terus karena rame aku mau naik tangga, mau kembali ke kelas yang ceritanya di lantai atas. tiba-tiba lagi pas aku naik tangga ada yang ngerobek bajuku sedikit dari belakang. aku langsung lari ke kamar mandi.

pas lagi di dalem bilik kamar mandi tiba-tiba aku denger kayak ada kakak kelas yang lagi ngospek 2 adek kelasnya gitu di kamar mandi, dan entah gimana tiba-tiba kakak kelas sama 2 orang adik kelasnya yang lagi di-ospek sama dia (semua cewek) bisa satu bilik sama aku di kamar mandi. anehnya lagi aku ngobrol sama mereka, ngobrol biasa, sempet ketawa bareng malah.

akhirnya kita keluar kamar mandi dan jalan di koridor, entah kenapa koridornya ini seperti bukan koridornya smaga, malah berasa kayak koridornya SD ku dulu. entah gimana juga aku lagi megang bawahan rok putih seperti bawahan mukena dari kakak kelas cewek itu, pas aku mau tanya kakaknya itu kelas berapa, mereka yang jalan di depanku tau-tau balik badan and menunjukkan ekspresi ganjil seakan mereka bukan manusia. ARGHH! aku teriak dan langsung kontan aja laarii, entah gimana dalem mimpi itu aku mikir pokoknya harus lari ke bawah, ke koperasi dan nemuin beli baju ganti. aku menuruni tangga yang berkelok dan warnanya putih, dan entah gimana bangunan tempat aku ada yang berasa kayak di smaga jadi nggak mirip smaga.. di tengah jalan pas aku lari turun tangga berkelok aku ngelihat kakak-kakak OSIS smaga sekarang lagi naik tangga juga dan nanya,"gimana Dik?" dan aku nggak jawab dan tetep laarii ke bawah. aku hanya ngerasa sangat panik dan takut, walau aku nggak nangis.

sampai di bawah, ternyata ada bapakku. aku kaget dan sempet bertanya-tanya ini beneran bapak nggak ya? di dalam hati. tapi terus bapak ngajak aku pulang, kita melintasi lapangan smaga yang anehnya nggak mirip lapangan smaga. bapak cerita dulu ada siswi yang kecelakaan di deket situ, entah gimana di penglihatanku lapangannya kerasa luas banget. dan suasananya udah gelap, aku masih ngerasa takut banget. perasaanku berkecamuk. kita akhirnya sampai ke tempat mobil kita diparkir, dan bentuk mobilnya tuh nggak seperti mobil yang dipunyai ortuku sekarang, bentuknya mirip sedan, agak kuno, warnanya coklat. sebelum masuk bapak berdoa, dan aku pun juga berdoa. dan masuk ke tempat duduk di sebelah bapak yang nyetir. eh ternyata di bangku belakang ada adikku yang lagi tidur, pas aku masuk dia pun bangun.

perasaanku masih tetep aja takut, aku nggak masang seatbelt karena takut nggak bisa lari kalau ada apa-apa. di sudut mata aku ngeliat brosur makanan cina warna merah.
------MIMPI SELESAI
terus ALHAMDULILLAH AKU BANGUN dan menyadari TADI AKU HANYA BERMIMPI. aku bangun sambil istighfar, baca ayat kursi.. astaghfirullah jangan sampai aku mimpi kayak gitu lagi.. aku bangkit dari kasur, ke kamar orangtuaku dan ternyata ibuku belum berangkat ke kantor, terus aku bilang kalau aku tadi mimpi buruk, ibu bilang aku harus lebih banyak ibadah, apalagi beberapa hari ini aku nggak sholat karena halangan. iya ya, aku sering bangun siang dan ngelewatin sholat subuh, astaghfirullah.. astaghfirullah.. . hiks. terus aku keluar ke ruang keluarga, duduk sebentar. terus bapak masuk, aku langsung meluk bapak dan cerita tadi aku mimpi buruk, terus ditolong bapak. bapak mencoba ngehibur aku dengan bercanda. hehe..

dalam hati aku bersyukur, Allah swt. masih mau mengingatkan aku.. bahkan nggak dengan cara yang ekstrim, cukup lewat mimpi yang nggak menyakiti aku secara fisik. aku akan berusaha untuk nggak bangun siang lagi..

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Spare Time For Me

So, what are you do in the spare time? For me as a homey-girl haha, I merely like to spend it in my home rather than 'outside the door', although that also offers another fun too (fresh air, free-boring-potention, whatever). If I spend my spare time (like holidays or weekend) outside my home, I like to enjoying my time in a bookstore, music-store and culinary tourism hahahaha. I'm not a shopping-holic altough it's necessary, I will shop if I need it. Otherwise I'm not a good 'selector' in finding a good clothes, good shoes, good bags, etc.

Hm, I have some holidays next week, 4 days because the twelve grader has School Exam, or School Test? hm. My sister who take the exam, so I wish she can do it well. Oh, almost forgot to tell you, that my sister are accepted in UNDIP (Diponegoro University) in Science of Nutrition Facculty. Whoa, Alhamdulillah she made it..

Okay back to our main topics, actually I just want to share my spare time spending method (which I do it in HOME) to you, maybe you can suggest me more? haha. so here we goes :
  1. I really enjoying the activity of reading. I just need a good spaces (oftenly my room), good books that I love, and also lots of free-time. I can spent so much time to read, because it's one of my true love. When I read, I always 'fuse' myself to the book I read, like I was the characters. hahaha
  2. As a music-lover (who doesn't?) I also likes to enjoying musics from my tracks in my cellphone, with a help from my headset. Usually I do this too when I enjoying my books. But if I want some more relaxation I only need to lie in a cozy place (my bed, the sofa) and absorb the musics I listened. Sometimes if I do that, I also can feel the emotion of that songs in my own way, haha. I currently enjoying Owl City's, Adhitia Sofyan's, and much more. FYI I am a genre-friendly-people, if a rock song seems can be enjoyed by my ears and heart, I will put it as one of my tracks..
  3. Technology once again helps me spend my spare time. I like to watch TVs, but not oftenly, only if the show runned is the shows that I love. Alhamdulillah my parents subscribed cable TV, so I can have a wider-shows-range. I like to watch CSI (NY, Miami, Vegas), Heroes, Wipeout, SpongeBob Squarepants, cool movies that runned in HBO, etc.
  4. Besides TV, the computer and laptop also can kill my boredom. I like to surf the internet by my computer to blogging (of course!), download new songs or pictures, read new Naruto manga from OneManga, searching info for assignments, and some social-networking browse (Facebook, Twitter, Plurk). But for the last mentioned, I'm starting to bored of doing online social-networking....
  5. My laptop are a true sidekick for me if I want to play games.. currently I 'm still in progress of playing Chocolatier 2 : Secret Ingredients (it's truely more difficult than Chocolatier, everything is expensive, but I love the wider ports that this game has, Jakarta included). my fave game in the laptop is Jojo's Fashion Show, Agatha Christie : Peril at The End House, and Chocolatier.
  6. I also like to write. I have a purple Disney notebook (that I win in a magazine quiz, alhamdulillah..) to spread some words. I'm not really great in writing short story, but I like to write some of my thoughts and 'story' in a shorter form (maybe it's called poem but I'm not a poetic person). hahaha.
  7. Last but not least, it's truely enjoyable for me to have some 'Art of Doing Nothing' like Trinity (Naked Traveler) says. just scrumble myself in my bed, talking and joking with my siblings :)
  8. Spending time with my parents and siblings in parents room or in the living room is also good for me. Maybe with watching TV, watching movies, very fun!
  9. etc.
Yep, that's all. maybe it's not a lot, but I really enjoying that!! The point is to spend your time with doing what you really love :)